Day 7 – We should forgive

At this point I feel like I should affirm my beliefs.

I’ve had some great responses to these messages and I’m grateful for all of them.

A few things have come up that revolve around the idea that the Bible tells us to forgive and so we should do it.

I agree.

I want to let you know that this is crucial, that I do believe that this is true.

What I’m trying to do in this writing is to understand why a good Christian, who believes in forgiveness, can find it difficult to practice forgiveness.

Even when they think they have forgiven… Why have the emotions bubbled up again?

Why it feels like an impossibly steep hill to climb.


How. How does a person actually forgive? What are the mechanics behind it?

I’m of the opinion that “kiss and make up” doesn’t actually work (at least… it does, until it doesn’t). That suppressing our feelings, thoughts and actions doesn’t lead to healthy relationships. (Important: I’m NOT saying that venting everything does either. Certainly not.)

Fighting to “do the right thing” and say you’ve forgiven (even just in your own heart) when you haven’t truly done so is a recipe for trouble later on. At the least you may find yourself out of control of your emotions. Worse, you may find yourself an empty husk.

Self control isn’t forgiveness.

Denial isn’t forgiveness… it doesn’t even seem honest.

The harder path, but far more productive in the end, is to reconcile yourself to what has happened. To wrestle with it, something like Jacob did: Jacob wrestled with God till daybreak. (Gen 32:24)

The Bible says we should forgive, but it doesn’t say we should forgive without considering all of this. It doesn’t say the process doesn’t matter. But knowing that we should forgive gives us the motivation to try.

We need that motivation when the forgiveness is hard.

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  1. To me forgiveness is not something that comes from a thought prossess, it can only come from the grace of God. It is like we should love everyone as as we love ourself. They are choices that we make. It does not mean we forget. It means we learn to live with one another in peace.

  2. Yes, we need to back to our child hood, and forgive every single person who has hurt us until now. There is a process we must go through, to be able to recieve YHVH into ourselves. We have to put away our western belief system, and experience and see HIM and let HIM live in us, so HE can give us HIS heart, HIS thoughts, HIS desires.

  3. It is hard, to do when the person who should be allowing you to grow in Jesus Christ is the very same person inflicting wounds every turn you make.

    How can you grow when everyday you try to serve Jesus Christ you fall flat on your face. No matter how you try to navigate from being bitter the devil comes with a new strategy.

    Today is the beginning of Lent, and by Gods grace I am asking him to strengthen me from being angry, rendering evil for evil, insult for insult, giving me the strength to walk away from things that do not glorify him.

    Please pray for me so I can overcome the heartaches I am going through, the provocation, the false accusations the dilemma from another human being trying to hinder my walk with Jesus Christ. I have tears rolling down my eyes as I am writing this, just to overcome.

  4. Yes We should forgive but when you try to reconcile with somebody and they pretty much make you feel even worse by sounding critical it’s pretty hard

  5. I’ve been enjoying this series as well. It’s rare to find raw truth and exposure of closet clutter that is within our Christian community. Of course, the exposure doesn’t bring healing or solutions. I’m finding that after the honest confession is made especially when I don’t understand the ‘why’ of things (harsh treatment, overall unfairness, etc.); that’s when I pour out my heart full of agony to God. He has graciously allowed me to vent and pose questions. Bottom line, though I ask the hard questions, He may console me, I may get glimpses of an answer but I’m not going to receive all of the answers here. Once that was resolved in my mind, I began the journey of true intimacy with Him. Learning to trust Him when I still didn’t understand the ‘why’. Knowing that the intentional decision to forgive those who don’t deserve it isn’t for them. It’s for me. It allows me to stop dragging that dead weight around which always hinders my walk and life in Christ. It doesn’t deny emotions but it demonstrates “obedience to Christ”. It also allows for an unprecedented growth and maturity in Christ. I don’t know how long it takes for each person’s emotions to catch up or line up with the decision. We’re all very different. But I do believe that God asks us to pray for those we see as our enemies for a specific purpose. As I pray for offenders, that doesn’t let them off the hook for consequences of their sins. However, praying breaks down the power that satan wields over me and makes spiritual inroads on behalf of the other person’s salvation. Just my 2 cents.

  6. Yes. “Reconcile yourself to what has happened. Wrestle with it.”
    Open your heart to God’s voice and listen to what He is saying.
    Receive His love, His grace, His forgiveness, His pouring of salve on the wounds.
    Return to God over and over and over to hear Truth and receive Love.
    Eventually… stop wrestling and forgive.